The Phrases shared by A Parent Which Helped Me during my time as a New Parent

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the reality soon turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her main carer as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You're not in a healthy space. You must get support. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to addressing the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to communicate between men, who continue to absorb harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It is not a show of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to take a pause - going on a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a family member, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, physical activity and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."