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Being a gay man in my late 40s, I’ve spent numerous, largely enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, but I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I begin seeing any man, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners once more.

Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, often resulting in significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel a bit lost.

Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle different types of sexual unions as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you might meet a person who provides a life-changing chance to you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and see the worth of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.